Tuesday, October 10, 2006

Of hope and heartache

Well. I must apologize for the long hiatus. I have been trying not to jinx things by saying that everything is OK. And then it wasn't OK. And then it was. And you get the picture.

After the dismal betas I thought we were doomed. The doctor seemed to think those numbers were OK, and ordered a re-draw a week later. No bleeding or anything exciting in between draws, and I was beginning to get hopeful. It was the longest I had ever been pregnant without so much as a spot.

The morning after the re-draw I woke up to see Spot. Our nemesis. I freaked and woke up B, then called Dr. C. I stayed home from work, and Dr. C came over to console me. When she arrived my OB called with the results from the re-draw: 5991.3. That's right, in one week I doubled very very well. But of course I was spotting, so I figured it was all over. They scheduled me for an ultrasound on Monday, Oct. 9.

Dr. C thought that was a bit long to wait, so she brought me back to her hospital and gave me an ultrsound. And lo and behold, we saw the sac, and the beginnings of a yolk sac. It was the first time anything showed up on one of my ultrasounds. The pregnancy was officially not chemical. Two days later, on Sat., she gave me a repeat ultrasound, and it had grown. And we saw a clear yolk sac. B and I were thrilled; the pregnancy was continuing.

And then. Yesterday morning I went to the OB for my first "official" ultrasound. I measured 5w4d, and the sac was empty. Empty! No yolk sac. I was 6w2d yesterday as well. I ovulated late, so the sac could be ok. But who are we kidding. And what happened to the yolk sac? I begged the tech to look again, but she was sure it was empty. So today I took off work (again, let's hope they don't fire me because then we're in real trouble) and Dr. C is going to look again. This will be my 4th ultrasound in a week. Already it's the most photographed pregnancy of all time.

I'm so scared. This is the only pregnancy to implant properly, and double even close to normally. And I think it's heading South. And my 30th birthday is in two days. Crap.


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