A hard week...

Tomorrow, when I am visting my mother, I am going to have to plaster a smile on my face and get through the day. B and I will probably also take his mother out for lunch, and I'm sure that we'll get bombarded once again with talk of when I will be celebrating a Mother's Day of my own. You see, our families don't know what we are going through, yet. We have only told a couple of people, including our bosses (I know it's a bit sick and twisted, but we spend more time at work than anywhere else and they were going to start noticing the absences. Also during my last miscarriage I started spotting at work, and of course got upset. Better that they know than fire me for missing time, or think I'm on drugs for crying out of the blue). None of our friends or family know. It is too painful to talk to them.

Also this week is the due date of my second pregnancy. Really it was more like my first pregnancy, since that one was so short I deluded myself into thinking that the HPT was wrong. I of course at least hoped to be pregnant by now, and those dreams were recently crushed after I lost my third pregnancy.

I had my day 3 blood draw on Thursday, did I forget to mention that my period showed right on time? So now we are just waiting, and I assure you that this wait is harder than any other two week wait.

And finally, Cancerbaby, or Jessica as we have recently been told, died this week. I would say that she lost her battle, but she particularly hated that term. I am glad at least that she is no longer in pain. And I'm surprised how much it can hurt to lose someone whom you've never met.

It's going to be a tough week.