In Other News...

B and I went to see "Champions on Ice" last night. This is where the best figure skaters in the world each skate a program of their own choosing. We both enjoy watching the Olympics, and we had never been to anything like this before. It was kind of a joke, we called it "runners-up on ice" leading up to the event since, well, it was funny. Our friends all thought we were crazy as well.

I have to admit that I had a good time. The skating was great, and there were a couple of sideshow type acts that were really good. I would have to recommend it if it comes to your area. The only downer was Michelle Kwan, one of the most recognized figure skaters in the world, and who missed her last chance for an Olympic medal this year. She came, but clearly didn't bring her A-game. No jumps at all. Everyone else was really good.

The other annoying thing was the family sitting behind us. While the skaters were on the ice, there was music playing, it is a show. So during a show, it would be polite to be quiet so that others can enjoy the experience. Well, this family wouldn't be quiet! I turned around three times and gave the parents evil eye in an attempt to get them to tell their kids to stop yammering, but to no avail. I guess dogs don't make cats, because the parents were talking too! The event was hardly a sell-out, so B and I moved to a deserted section. I would rather have a slightly worse view, and peace and quiet any day.

Our Journey Begins...

My husband and I went to the OB today for the follow-up to our latest miscarriage. First off, the doctor didn't mark my chart when I called to tell them the pregnancy was ending, and they thought it was my initial appointment. So I was forced to explain, in front of the whole waiting room, that I had miscarried. Uncool.

The doctor insisted that I get a beta test, despite me telling her that I had already ovulated since the miscarriage. That's fine though. She did a super-quick exam and declared that I could start trying again. I told her we already did. I know you are supposed to wait, but my body has recovered so fast from these early losses, and I read that you may be more fertile right after a loss. So we went for it. The doctor reprimanded us, but at the end of the day it probably won't matter. It took us six months to conceive this past time, I don't expect any miracles now.

The good news is that we got a referral to a maternal fetal specialist, who will do a work-up to figure out the problem. I called and they are so nice! The nurse was so confident that they would find an answer for us. I really hope so! The next step will be bloodwork on cycle day 3 to test my "ovarian reserve", aka to see if my eggs are any good. I'm nervous and excited as our official infertility journey begins. Wish us luck!

Rockstar moment...

So I just wanted to share a totally random thing that happened today. My husband B and I work together, and usually we commute together. Our commute is 40 miles each way, a longish ride, but not terrible since we always have each other's company. Well today B worked from home because we were having a new floor installed in our family room (parquet!), so I had to make the trek by myself.

Well I don't know about everyone else, but I sing to myself in the car and must look totally stupid. At least as bad as I sound. So I'm totally self-conscious, and if I'm at a traffic light or something I stop, just in case somebody is actually paying attention.

On the highway portion of my trip today I saw a few school buses on the road. I noticed right away that they were full of middle school-aged kids. Now I wasn't terribly well socialized when I was that age, I was something of a late bloomer. I was definitely never considered "cool" by any kid of that age group, especially when I was a teacher (I'm sure I'll get around to ranting about that period of my life eventually). As I approached the first bus, I made sure to stop singing because the kids in the back were definitely paying attention. I ignored whatever gestures they were making in my direction and drove past. The next bus cut over a lane, but in the last bus there was a group of boys looking out the back window desperately waving at me. Normally I would ignore them, but today since I was by myself, I pretended to be cool for a minute and smiled and waved back. They lit up and waved for the 30 or so seconds it took me to overtake the bus. With the fuss they were making, I thought "I almost feel famous."

It was totally random and non-important. But I just thought I'd share my rockstar moment.

Confession...

I have a confession to make. I know, you're thinking "it's too early for confessions, we've just met!" But why not get this part out of the way, early?

I am totally jealous of my husband's sister. (Is she my sister-in-law? I've never been clear on that, I know if one of my siblings gets married, their spouse would be my in-law, but I'm not sure how that works with your spouse's siblings. Anyway, sorry for the tangent.) Like I was saying, I'm completely jealous. She is 5 years younger than we are, very young by today's standards to be a wife and mom. She knew what she wanted, and she went after it. Now, I'm not saying that how she did it is particularly great. Her daughter, Victoria, is 8 months old this week. She's 24, and her husband is 25. In these parts (I live in the northeast), housing is super-expensive, and to afford their townhouse they both have to work. Not a biggie, lots of people do that. But they went ahead and got pregnant the day they bought their house without telling anyone their plans (no joke--I asked her once how long they "tried", 5 DAYS). Now of course that is fine, except when you expect your mother to babysit for you every day, and go to her own job every night. That's right...she babysits by day and works by night, even after the heart attack she had a couple of years ago. No sleep needed!

The extreme selfishness and thoughtlessness astounded me. Add to that the jealousy that she got what she wanted so effortlessly. And of course the bitterness that my husband and I, as the older children, weren't going to have the first grandchild. UGH.

I know that all sounds petty, and it is. I'm really not that petty all the time! And I love my niece. To pieces. But it makes me wonder why the universe is making our trip so hard.

Introductions...

Just wanted to introduce myself. My name is Michelle, and my husband of a year and a half is B. We've actually been together for almost 10 years, so that "year and a half" thing doesn't really do us justice. We both turn 30 this year, a milestone year. And of course, turning 30 makes you start thinking about having a family, as your time "may be running out". This thought occured to us last year, and we started "trying".

Being an overachiever, I found TTC websites and message boards, and discovered charting early on. And since I never really thought about how things were working "down there", I also bought ovulation predictor kits, just to be sure everything was OK. Which it was (or so it seemed). The first month of trying we hit paydirt, a positive! Of course, our excitement was short lived, as I developed a nasty wisdom tooth infection, and got my period about 3 days late. I figured, well bad timing, it must have been the infection! So I made an appt and got those buggers removed the next week.

We continued trying, not even missing a beat, and what do you know, I started spotting a few days before my period was supposed to arrive the next cycle. Weird...I tested and it was negative. I began to worry (Google "abnormal vaginal bleeding" to see why) as the spotting continued. Two days into it the test turned positive! Whew! I wasn't dying of some dread disease, it was implantation bleeding! Right! No, wrong. The spotting never stopped. I made (my first ever!) appt at the OB, and begged for beta tests. For an ultrasound. For anything! She told me to relax, many people bleed early on, everything was probably fine. And she congratulated me, and sent me on my way, despite my tears and frustration. Two days later (at about 4 weeks, 5 days) I started passing huge clots. My sister, Dr. C, told me to high tail it to an ER. I did, and they confirmed that my hCG was only 24.7, that it was way too low if my dates were correct, that I was miscarrying.

Well, it was sad, but we were OK. I was so nervous with all the bleeding, about the health of that baby, that it was actually a bit relieving at the time. I figured it was too soon after the other miscarriage, that it was poor implantation! Nothing to worry too much about. So we waited a cycle, and started trying again.

Fast forward 6 months. Six months of perfectly timed sex. Charted and OPK'd and confirmed ovulations. Of course my cycles start getting a bit weird, a bit longer, but I always ovulate, and my period always arrives on time. Nothing. We get worried, and I schedule an appt at the fertility clinic about a week before my period is due. But then, surprise! Positive a few days later. And this time, no spotting! I was so happy, so relieved! I just barely squeaked by getting pregnant before my first due date, which I had naively thought would be a reasonable goal. But we did it! I told my sister (the only person we've confided in about this) and we were ecstatic. I cancelled the fertility clinic appt, and made a new OB appt. They wouldn't see me until 8 weeks since there was no bleeding this time. I begged for an earlier appt, for beta tests, and again they ignored my pleas. But maybe it was OK, I would try to be a "normal" preggo this time.

Well, at about 5 weeks, again, I began spotting. Dr. C rushed me in for an ultrasound, where everything "looked normal", but there was no sac. This could have been normal, but wasn't. The bleeding increased, and I miscarried again.

So, the OB has told me to keep my appt. But it won't be a happy initial pregnancy visit, it will be the beginning of fertility testing. Stay tuned, I have a feeling this ride is just getting started.