Mute...

So another update. Yesterday I got the results from Wednesday's beta (finally), negative. My OB clearly wasn't going to call me until I called them, twice. UGH. So then I called the maternal fetal specialist, and I got the results of our genetic karotyping.....NORMAL!!! Woohoo! Check one more problem off the list. I was talking to Nurse Nice about how long I should wait for my period before panicking, but then it arrived yesterday evening without any help, yeah!

So in about four weeks, I should get my period again, and I'll then be able to get my FSH draw, and schedule my sonohystogram. Then we won't be able to start trying again till the next cycle. That feels like forever, I know that August isn't really that far away, but we've been trying for a year now and I'm disappointed that we have to wait longer.

We've decided to come out of the proverbial closet, and tell our friends and family what's going on. I don't know why it's so easy to write about it here, but so hard to say it in real life. Last night we had two excellent openings to tell our close friends, who we were hanging out with, and I froze. I just couldn't do it, but oh, how I wanted to. I'm so torn. There is some safety in our secrecy, not having people check in with us to see if there's "news", and such. But. Then there's the loneliness that comes with isolating ourselves, and not being able to talk with our friends and family about our problems. I'm just plain scared.

I don't know why fertility problems spawn this kind of secrecy and shame. It would be much easier if we could unburden ourselves, collectively, and find the support of others going through similar problems. But then why is it so hard to share?