Sunday, June 04, 2006

Out of the closet...

B turns 30 this week. So one group of our friends took us out to dinner, and we dropped the "M" bomb on them. The couple driving us to dinner is 7 1/2 months pregnant, so we started with them first, in the car. B finally got to speak to someone other than me, and once that tide is started, it can't be stopped. We thought that since they were pregnant, and I *think* they had a bit of trouble conceiving, that they would understand. I swear, later B said that he thinks he knows more about pregnancy than they do.

They started out with, isn't miscarriage normal? So we educated them, and explained a few of the tests being done and such. After dinner, back at our house, my parents had sent B a birthday card, with no kidding here, 5 "father's day" lottery tickets in it. Now, I'm sure those were just the ones available, but B was like, can you believe it? And our friends were confused, so I just blurted out that I was having my fourth miscarriage. They were all pretty quiet about it, but B bought a bunch of fireworks on our recent trip to Ohio and decided to set some off, and only me, him and the men went outside. The women stayed inside and talked about it. Hopefully our pregnant friend filled them in a bit.

After the pregnant couple left, our other friends went to leave. Now, the pregnant friend has a surprise baby shower next weekend. B and I are going away again, but we are going to be close enough that I could come home. But I'm not. I declined. Our other friends are buying a big gift, that I am going in on and signing the card for, but I'm not driving back. So she was telling me that they hadn't forgotten, and that I would get some details today about how much I owed. I told her that was fine, and that I hoped she understood now why I wouldn't be attending. I simply said that I didn't want to be the girl crying in the corner.

Today we are going to B's parents house to tell them. If last night was awkward and hard, today will be much worse. Wish us luck. I have to believe that having some support will be worth the price of our privacy, and of just a little bit of our pride.

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